>.o

Probably my own fault, since I COULD have a bf, (have had bfs) but currently do not have a bf.  XD  I'm picky?  Don't just go for any guy I could (Since I ave been asked out a few times recently... But am not interested?  >.o)

I need some good freakin cuddles tho.  And I'm not willin to accept em from just anyone, so prolly won't do any good for anyone to offer.  XD

Best quote ever.    And it suits my post, since I decided I'm in the mood to rant a bit....  I'm bored, what else can I do?  XD  I guess i could be doing my homework... Or something... But where's the fun in that?  O.o

Let see... O.o 

STABKILLDIE ROFLOL  =DDDD

O.o;;

Meh.   xD  People are so dumb sometimes, ya know?  Like rawr.  Im no exception, i do dumb shit too (unfortunately) but im tryin to work on that a bit more.  Emotions play too much role in our decision making and reactions to stuff.. and stuff.  xD  *great at describing things... and stuff*

I love describing things in such a vague way that nobody can figure it out.. And the ones that do find it funny that they were able to understand what I meant when i say something like "the thing, over there... with the stuff.."

Meh i dunno  ^^  Enjoy your thing... with stuff.. and hours and long and whatever  :3

O_o

So cute... X3 

Omg Im using Xanga.  xD  I dont use it for anything other than photos.. So I decided I'd try organizing them a bit so people can have like.. a photo journal of what i've been up to rather than reading about it.  Typing things is so ... eh..  Im too lazy.  xD  I find also that I tend to complain alot when im typing in this.  Or overthink?  Emo power.  ;3

NEEDS MOER POOPER!

Mwahah... Rofl... Stupid 4chan.

I'm tired of doing school.  Someone generous and rich, come save me and let me live with you forever and ever.  xD  I'll bake you cookies and give you lovin...  *_*   Keep in mind, i do have standards... Beggars CAN be choosers, so says I.  xD  (Because there's some things that I'd much rather WORK than do.. ya know. ;3) 

Status: Searching for an easy way out.  xD

Uh... I forget how this shit works.. It's new.  xD  Wow, its kinda.. Weird, but cool i guess.  Meh.  Some might think "HOLYSHIT ts an entry! O_o"  Others might not even notice cuz they gave up checking back.. other wont care. ahaha.. whatever.

Letting ppl know im alive *for now* and... i guess i shoud make use of this stupid thing, even if i dont care anymore. 

I've kinda cut myself off from almost everyone lately...  But hey, whatever.  I have to get back to "people" somehow.. I figured I'd start with my sisters, since they're the easiest at the moment. At least, Lisa is.  I dunno about chrissy yet.  Then maybe i'll move onto my mom dad and brother... Then hopefully i'll be able to get back into things wit my extended family, then friends after that.. But its gonna take alot of work and effort an stuff.. I've totally holed myself away from pretty much everyone, and ive become comfortable being antisocial and solitary.  It's not wrong, is it?

The new Xanga stuff is mildly annoying.  >_>  I don't like how pictures work at all....  I cant upload them directly thru the post since it seems to not want to work either.. ANd they get stuck in the top corner and i cant put text beside them.  >_>  It is pissing me off atm, but w/e.  I dont use xanga much anymore anyway so meh.

Speaking of which, i havent posted in forever.. Guess i dont care anymore.  *shrug*  Wouldnt be the first time i gave up on something. =P  Its still paid for and stuff, though, so i  might as well use it for something.. *HOSTINGIMAGESHAHAHA*  X3

So yeah, meh.  NOthing good happening atm.. Nothing new, nothing special...

I'm kinda bored with life.  Maybe I'll get drunk and play some RO later tonight, just for fun.  There's this other girl on RO that does it sometimes, I never got along well with her because she's mean... And also she used to be Kai's wife, and he divorced her to marry me, so she got kinda bitter towards me on top of already just being naturally mean.. SOOOooooOo... yeah.  I've seen her play RO drunk before, it was lame but at the same time it seemed kinda fun.. (sadly)  Maybe i'll give up this "im not drinking anymore" thing an drink anyway.  It's not like i'll be making an ass of myself in public like last time... ahaha  =P

As long as I dont go on my GM account while i'm drunk (because that would be VERY irresponsible of me as a GM.. kinda like showing up at work drunk... never a good idea) 

omg death pain pestilence rip stab kill die >=D

Im in a sperratic (sp?) mood shouting random things via text.  TURRETS  =D

 "Break Time~" (18:30)

I'm taking a well-deserved break from RO.  I've put up with alot on the server for a bit, the guild being inactive, or not functioning well... The GMs having issues and friends being accused of things they didnt do.  I'm bored of it, so Im quitting.  XD  I'll go back later.  In celebration of me leaving RO, i kicked EVERYONE out of my guild. >=D   I readded anyoen who was online and wanted to be readded, so i have about 8 members now.  XP  Big step down from being the largest guild in the server (76 members)  XD

But its not just in-game things that bother me recently.  I've found new things to annoy me at work.  >.>  It's all over, but i find it at work the most for some reason.  As most know, im pretty sensitive when it comes to people talking about sex an stuff around me.  It bugs me, I'm not sure why im so easily bothered by it, but the fact is, I am.  Makes me feel akward and stuff. Of course, for some unknown reason, everyone who's ever worked in a kitchen, or near/with a kitchen staff, they know that for the most part, they're perverted. (which is just WONDERFUL for me >.>)

I dunno what it is, maybe im bothered by it because i have morals.  XD  Some of the things some people say display a complete lack thereof.  >.>  This one guy at work is a total dick and perv.  Last night he was tryin to see how much it would take the other girl cook (there's only two of us, the rest are guys) to flash him. She didnt seem to mind too terribly, i dunno, she did a bit when he was ever so obviously lookin at her butt (since he said "you have somethign stuck to your butt").  He's not only about 10 years older than us, but apparently he's married.  Such a lecher. >_> Im gonna start calling him either "ecchi" or "hentai" since im sure he doesnt know what that means... He's an ass to me anyway.  He's always calling me "new girl" even though he knows my name.  He was asking me like a million questions about myself last night, an i was getting uneasy and kinda annoyed.. he asked me if i have any kids, an i was like "hell no, im only 21!"  an he's like "well, people have kids at 16" so i told him "yea, stupid people"  XD   he got all offended an was like "So you're calling me stupid"  ... i guess he had a kid at a young age... so i'm correct in my assumption that he's a pervert and has no morals.  XDDD  He said "when are you leaving us, august?  I cant wait".  Fag.  >.>

It just bugs me when people are like that.  The world is so open about things like sex, i mean jesus, young KIDS are having sex.  WHen i was in school, it was unheard of to even HAVE a gf/bf.  The worst thing i remember was like.. the boys talking about porn vids, n that wasnt even till grade 8.  I serioulsy wonder about the way society is going, and how bad its gonna be in a few years.. in 10 years...  It's headin down hill now.  I think that the fact that I dont want kids is a good thing, since if i did decide to, i'd be freakin scared to let them go out into the society as it is. 

*****************

things i learned at work (other than that my coworkers are pigs, pervs, and very mild-moraled people)...

I can never take in anything.  I suck at 'learning' and actually being able to apply that to a question like "what did you learn?"  I hate that.  Its like.. I learned... things?  And stuff.  definitely stuff.  X_x  The one thing i did pick up on, (altho i knew it before, but now it's just reinforced) is that there isn't really any "right" or "wrong".  Sure, the way that textbooks and instructors say is "right" may be the way it's often done, but, each chef has their own vision on things, and they run their kitchen as they see fit. It's cool that way.  if everything was uniform, wouldnt every restaurant have the same food?  X_x

 "Speeeeeeeeeeew" (1:26)

Becoming irritated with working too often.  XP  I  hope i get paid alot, because daaaamn its taking up all my free time.  XD  I actually got some time to hang out with Greg this weekend, it was fun.  Specially the part at ... that place.. where WAC meetings are.. >.>...  I forget what its  called all of a sudden  =D  Anyway, Chrissy was with us, an we had fun hanging out rofl. 

i had night shifties at work most of the week. >.>  4-12:30 every night.  XD   It wasnt SO bad cept the fact that .. i dont get around to doin much BEFORE work, an AFTER work, i cant do shit-all since its so late.  ^_^;; 

Felt a bit odd lately (still) but i cant put my finger on what it is that buggin me.  *shrug*  Im still having some probs controlling my thoughts and emotions at times, i wonder if that will ever get any better...?  >.<

**********************

Learnin more at work.. How to make stuffies an junk.. I dunno tho, im really bad at keeping track of all the things im learning....  Ppl ask me "what have you learned" an im like.. hell, i dunno!~  XP

 "Technicolour Yawn" (22:40)

I like the word Vomit.  Dun ask me why, it just sounds funny.  XD I name this xanga entry today after thus, one different way of saying "vomit", my new favourite word, or so it seems.  XD

*Finally* saw jenn and chris and greg today. Saw adam too, since he was who i technically went to the Moose game with, even though it was originally greg chris n jenn who invited me.  =P  I didnt get off work till 6:40 today tho, so i was *just* in time for the game, which started at 7:30.  XP  I stole a buncha cake which i shared with everyone, though, so it was cool. 

I've decided that I really have to get out more. I've been dreading going out for some reason, but recently, i've been experiencing some form of cabin fever, and I've really wanted to be outside, doing ANYTHING other than sitting around indoors. >_<;;;  I didnt even go on RO yesterday, im just so bored of being inside all the time... I went on for like 30 seconds to check if Kai was on, but he wasnt, nor was anyone else of much interest, so I logged off right away and went to read manga.  He sent me a text later on saying first that he wouldnt be on till after 12, then another later saying he wouldnt be on at all... Which was ok, since i fell asleep on the couch around 11:30, and slept well past 12 (till about 1) which was when I found that i had another text sayng that he wasnt gonna be on at all, which was fine.... Since i'd slept well past 12.  XD  I read the rest of the manga i was reading, and went to sleep around 1:30.  =P

Ive had these urges to just GO somewhere.  Like when me and chrissy hopped a bus all the way across town to go to Comics America (which as anyone who lives here knows, is nowhere near my house at all) it took a good few hours to get there and back,  but it was fun.  We got out, got some comics, and i got to spend time with my sister.  We found that we actually have tons to talk about.  XD  Not that i ever doubted this, but its uncanny how much we seem to have in common, even moreso now that she's gettin older.  =3 

Apparently she found out about me and Kai (since i hadnt actually TOLD anyone in my family for fear of my mom or brother threatening to either kick my ass or to hate Kai before they even meet him) but she found out from Laura (Jenns sister) who apparently heard Greg talkin bout it one time when he was at Jenns house.  XP  It's all good, since I trust chrissy not to rat to my mom about it.  I'll tell her AFTER she agrees to let Kai stay, and MEETS him so that she doesnt judge him before she knows who he is (as im almost certain she will do).

*******************************************

Lets seee..... Work is good. I found out today that everyone at the party absolutely loved my tuxedo strawberries and cream puffs.  =D  They didnt eat all of the strawberries, but the cream puffs were GONE.  XD  Which im proud of, since I actually made the cream puffs from scratch, batter and all... Greg tried one today an said its better than the stuff U buy from places... Which is wicked.  >=3  My chef had me doin desserts today... I think that I might actually like getting into the patisserie stuffies, even though after the whole patisserie thing at school left a bad taste in my mouth about it...  It's alot of fun being the unofficial pastry chef in the kitchen... I actually have a place that is sorta considered to be "mine".   ^____^  The other guy just gets random things.. Chef moves him around where he needs him. I'm almost always on desserts though, I'm happy.  =3

Apparently ppl are too lazy to fully do the tuxedo strawberries now.. The ppl in the hotel said that they rarely see them with the buttons an stuff all put on... So i figure.. yanno, ppl dont do things wrong because they dont know how, its because they're just too lazy to do so.

I also got to do a banquet, standing up with the ppl at the dinner, doing hours doevueurs.. or however the hell its spelled since i forget... I got to flambe shrimp right in front of the ladies at th party... its so fun to watch the reaction of the ppl when the pan sets on fire.  >=D

 "O_o" (10:59)

Xanga is being a whore and wont let me upload any pictures now >_>  Meh, ill figure it out later or something.

My boss at work was saying that for my work term, i should keep a journal of daily things, yanno, just to keep track of what I do an what I learn... I was thinking of doing it, but then i havent gotten around to it... Then I realized, i HAVE a journal... I can use this with no extra effort to myself. XP  So now i guessi shoudl do a daily update Of work stuff... Just so I have something to write about when i have to do the back to school presentation thingy. X_x

The new job is going well... I like it so far, but I've been depressed again lately.  Its funny how you can wake up in the morning and think to yourself "today is going to be dreadful" before it even happens.  I say things like "i dont wanna go to work" or "i dont feel like doing anything"  but then when I do them, they're not so bad.  If anything, quite enjoyable, really.

I'm back to work with Dave (a guy i prolly mentioned quite a few times, met him when i worked at Toys (Evil) R us.  XD)  finally~  He's so much fun to work with.  Im happy that i can work with him again.  =3  Our first day workin together, we went out for a drink after work to celebrate, then hung around downtown a bit. It was fun.

Ive been accused (multiple times) of spending too much time on RO.. Which could possibly be true from an outside standpoint,  but its really not that bad. If asked to go out, i would.  I just dont make any extra effort to ask anyone to hang out usually...  So it seems like im being antisocial, when I'm just being lazy.  XP  The only reason that ive not gone out with anyone who's asked lately was for actual reasons, not just because i was playing RO.  I had stuff to do, or i felt sick, or something.  So no worries, its not like im some hopeless addict.. I just been busy an tired.  X_x

********************************

Stuff at work:

A useless bit of info, but when i went into work yesterday mornin i was super depressed.. I walked in, an first thing that happened in the kitchen, i walked up behind dave, an he turned around an i was gonna say "good morning"  but he screamed.. Cuz i scared the livin shit out of him by coming up behind him.. ROFL~ It made me laugh, an put me in a good mood for the rest of the day.  XP 

I made desserts all day... Tuxedo strawberries, fruit tarts, and cream puffs.. YUMMMMMMMYYYYYY~ I woulda eated all of it, cept i felt like i was gonna throw up all day.. >_<

Just a point of reference for myself - cooking temperatures for steaks are as so:

rare = 110F med rare = 120F med = 130F med well = 140F well = 150F

they start at 110 an work up by 10 for each doneness.  Good to know.  XP

 "Back to blah an stuff an.. yeah.." (23:53)

Ah, the wonders of having a laptop.  I love being able to take this thing out whenever (and wherever) i want, and type or (assuming i can find some net to leech off of) go online, or play games, listen to music, watch anime.. etcetc...  =X  In this particular case, there's no net, an there's already music playin from greg's car CD player, so I have this to do my homework and i decided.. Since im thinking so damn much, i want to do a xanga entry before all teh thoughts escape me...

Me an greg had a good time.  Or, I did, greg sais he did too, so I hope he did.  =3  For those of you who dunno what im even talkin about, we went on a roadtrip to Minneapolis.  Left Thursday night an we're returning now (monday afternoonish)   I didnt wanna leave though...  =(  Went there, well, my main reason for goin was just to go visit Kai (friend from RO, if anyone didnt know) greg was going just cuz it's a vacation, and hell... who doesnt love vacations?  =D  He was nice enough to drive me, since it was mainly a trip for me, so i thank him many many times over for that.  ^^

Anywho.. Lesse.  Man~ the first day was so... Funny i guess.  XD  We got there, an Minneapolis is soooo much bigger than winnipeg.  Like wow.  We found our way to Kai's house (where we were staying) tho, an so all was well. (altho the road Kai lives on is broken up into like three parts, which was really gay...  =P) We got there, an yeah..  I dunno if i'd mentioned this to many ppl, outside of Greg, Jenn, an' a few of my friends on RO, but i really like Kai.  =X  Soooo.. meeting him the first time (outside of online) was like.. um.. well i guess funny, but lame on my part.  XD  I was scared.  rofl~  I never thought i'd be so nervous, i mean.. I've met other ppl before, like...  Jon, Colin, Clud, Walter and Aaron, Jose... So I didnt rly think that it would be a big deal, but apparently it was.  I hid behind greg at first.. rofl.  XP  An we sat around, all three of us, tryin to find something to talk about to break the silence.. It sorta reminded me of how me adam an clud were when we first got to Clud's house.. Just kinda sat around an didnt do much at all for the first while.  lol.  =3  

Kai's brother Tien was nice though, he took us out for a drive (even though those two dont like to go out much at night, since there's alot of gang activity an bad stuff in the area, an both of them have been in trouble with gang stuff... So they try to keep a low profile, at night especially.  =X)  But yea, we drove down to the lake an sat on the side for a bit an looked at the city lights... This was around like 2:30am, since we'd not gotten there till about 1am or so. 

When we got back to the house, we sat around a bit longer, went upstairs to Kai's room an sat around some more.. Lol.  Then Greg went down to his sleeping quarters (the living room floor.. rofl) an left me an Kai to talk.. which was still so freaking akward.  XD  We didnt say too much, but neither of us was tired at all so we sat around sorta talking a bit for awhile, till we fell asleep at like 5 or so in the morning.  woke up around 7:30.  =X  We talked a bit, an at least got a little better aquainted.

That day we went to the Mall of America, which.. is really big and full of stores, as malls usually are.  =P  We walked around there for like.. all day an stuff... It was fun, though. Sometime during the day Kai worked up enough courage to hold my hand.  =3  (I love childish couple stuff.  so cute. XD)  I didnt get much, but I did buy my sister Chrissy this really neat hat, that looks like Piyoko (from DiGi Charat) 's hat.  Cute, kitty ears with a flower on em.  Much like the Kuroneko hat i got Jenn, but oranger, and bigger.  Went back to Kai's house later on, i forget what we did already... Man I suck at remembering.  XP

I know on one of the days, (i think friday) his nephew Isaac (sp?) came over.  I believe he's three. Pretty cute as far as kids go.. Since I dont usually like them, unless they're really well behaved, an he was really nice, friendly, and really funny.  Likes to play videogames too. An he sat with us when we watched the Simpsons an stuff too. Kept jumpin on Kai an beatin him up, which was humerous.  XD Not shy at all either, he let Greg swing him around an give him rides, an he was laughing so hard when Greg was making faces at him.  hehehe.. 

Next day we went back to the mall, an bought more stuffs, had no luck in finding stuff for Lisa though. We had also gone to another place that had a buncha anime/manga stuffies, an I got Jenn a present (which I hope she doesnt already have.  =X)  After being at the mall again, we met up with Kai's sister, an she gave us free movie passes, an we took his other nephews with us to the movie, Ice Age 2. I really liked these nephews. Daymon and Anton.  I really liked them.  XD  We went to the movie an got a later show, so we walked around, an went to Suncoast in the mall, an me an the kids started talking about Gundam, which was really cool. (they're 7 an 12 i think? Daymon was 7 for sure, im not sure how old Anton was.) Anyway, on the way back to the movie i started chasing Daymon around, an we played poke-tag.. Lol. We raced around the theater, I probably looked like a big immature goofball.. which is SOO COOL!!  =D  I love actiing like a kid.  =3  I guess i'd make an OK mom, that is, if i wanted kids.  XD

Daymon tired me right out though.. Wow, kids have so much energy, it took alot to keep up with him. (I guess it doesnt help that im lazy.) I could obviously outrun him, and i could keep up with him no problem, i just got winded faster.  XD  We ran around tons in the theater, outside the theater, and then back at Kai's house too. He was even poking me durin the movie, an trying to tickle me, to which i did the same back, more effectively. >=D At the end of the movie, i picked him up an carried him around cuz he kept running off.  =P Poked me an ran away. XD  So funny.  Cute kids though. Both of them even play RO, which is cool. Even though Daymon is still a bit young to know exactly what he's doing.  I promised him that sometime I'd play with him, but i never had the chance to since they got picked up on Sunday, an we'd watched anime all saturday night after the movie.

Sunday we were supposed to go to a picnic with Kai, Tien an a buncha their friends, but nobody seemed to have anything food-worthy, so we just picked up some fastfoodstuffs an headed over to the park where T and all the other guys played basketball. I helped one of Kai's friends girlfriends with her math homework (which is funny... Because it was things like Lowest common factor, and lowest common multiple.. things we learn in grade 9 and 10 here in Canada, but they dont learn it till later, like grade 11 or 12 or something.. She was taking basic college maths) Comparing the math stuffs between Canada an the US, its kinda interesting how much harder our stuff seems to be.  =P  I had no problem explaining how the thingers worked to her, I just hope she remembers what I taught her.  XD

one of my favourite parts of the trip was here, when me an Kai took a walk around the lake there, it was really nice an we sat on a bench an talked for like an hour, an walked around a bit more. It reminded me alot of when i was a kid too, playing outside with sticks an climbing trees, playing in water an building forts an stuff.  =D  so much fun.  I love being outside, an stuff.  An it was nice to be in that place with him too~  =3

After that all of us (including his brother, a couple friends and their girlfriends) all went to a buffet for dinner, then to see Scary Movie 4... which was rather lame. Ice Age 2 was tons better (and even funnier. XD)   I've never been big on that kind of humor though (since I didnt have a keen liking for the first one, an ave never bothered to see the second or third ones) so yeah. But everyone else wasnt that impressed either, so i guess it wasnt entirely me.  =P

At some point during all this (it pathetic how badly my memory works) he formally asked me out, an much to the dismay of anyone who has been wanting to/has asked me out and gotten neg response.. Yea, i accepted.  =3  I think it was... uh..  god, it was either saturday or sunday. So i guess for future reference, I'll have to find out whether it was the 15th or 16th for our anniversary.  =X  I hated having to leave though.. Tried stalling as much as we could, but greg wanted to get goin since we have things to do when we get back in Winnipeg.. Mainly, see Jan off, which.. I wasn't expecting to have to do..  =_= 

Jan is moving to Yellowknife or some equally stupid northern place, for some .. stupid reason or something.  He told me  but i decided to put it out of my mind since I dont really wanna believe that he's moving.  =_=  It seems too sudden, it's really.. Weird I guess. Weird and sucky.  And stupid.  And.. stuff...  >_>  Blah. Me an Greg both had an arguement with Jan about not telling him where we were going, an how we're not his friends since we didnt check in with him an ... meh, i dunno, it was stupid, an It ended it us basically telling him that we're gonna come to his house tonight to say our goodbyes in person, whether he liked it or not.  Not friends my ass..  Stupid git.  -.-;;

So yeah.  Eventful weekend.  I know there's gonna be some people who have objections to me having a bf (yes, AGAIN) so what if i cant keep a good relationship going?  but i mean... I do believe that i have warned every one of them that im no good at relationships and we'd see how things went.  An apparently, it didnt go as well as one would have liked.. Which is unfortunate. But I believe that its better for me to have just ended it than to try an let it drag on an be miserable an depressed, and in turn make the person I'm with upset as well.  Unless I'm wrong.  But I dont suppose that i am.  =P  So yeah, I'd appreciate it if everyone who says they're my friend doesnt' get upset or try to kill Kai or anything.  XD  Cuz Greg said he'd kick peoples asses if they try anything.  An Greg's pretty strong, so I wouldn't mess with him.  =D  *hugs greg* 

And so, I enter into what I said i'd never wanna do again... again.  Long distance relationship.  (since we met before deciding anything, i refuse to call it an "online" relationship, cuz it aint.)  >=P  I feel kinda lame an stuff for going at it again, no matter how many times i said "relationships are stupid"  an that I'd never be in a good one again, an even after talking about having more than one BF an various other things ive talked about over time..  But I guess, what can I say?  I guess it just took that long for me to figure things out for myself.  When I was with certain other people, I went from not caring what happened to me, or what was done to me, to considering having more than one BF at once, to.. whatever else, i dont even remember now, so.. I dont suppose that i really cared about those relationships as much as i should have if i was to pursue them.

I dunno what it is this time, though, but being with Kai makes me wanna change all the things that happened bfore, even though I cant take it all back. But i know i can change how things are going now, and ive got inspiration to do so. Because i care enough about someone else, so i feel like i should try harder for myself too, so he can be happy as well.  Or something like that.  X_x  *feels really corny and lame*   ^^;;

And just to make myself perfectly clear... Just because im going out with someone doesnt mean that anyone that i care about otherwise is goinna be left out. People liek Clud, who is supposed to move in with me when he's done with school an stuffs, just because of Kai an things surrounding that relationship, it doesn't mean things will change.  Clud is still welcome with me, because these plans were made long ago, an Kai is fully aware that my little oniisan, and my friends, are all big parts of my life an so i'm not gonna leave em out.  =3

An' so yeah... I've already had one person decide they couldnt be my friend when they heard about me gettin a bf... I hope not to add anyone else to that list.  =(