September 30, 2010

• Ever loved someone so much..

  

  ..That it made your heart feel like it was gonna explode?  Funny story about that, actually.  Well.  Maybe less funny.  A little at least.  I see the humor in it.  And it’s my heart, so I’m allowed.

  So yeah, I’ve been stressed recently. Obviously.  I’ve always had palpitations. Apparently most people do.  They just don’t know it.. maybe cuz it’s really infrequent, or just not noticeable.  I’ve had them for a few years now, they got really noticeable when i started taking anti-depressants, and even moreso when I stopped.  Withdrawls and all.  They weren’t common though, at most, i’d have one or two in a day (that i noticed) but usually only a few times a week.  In the last week or two, it’s gotten to the point that they’re so frequent it’s about twenty times a day (keep in mind these are just the ones I notice) and they’re so hard I have to gasp for air after cuz they kinda take my breath away.  

  So that, combined with the fact that my heart rate accelerated to over 130 at rest, plus the fact that it was pounding like a motherfucker, (wow motherfucker is considered a word by spell check? rly?)  I thought it was gonna explode.  Though, to be honest, it happens similar to that quite frequently recently, specifically when I’m around a certain person.  

  It’s interesting what emotions and stress can do to your body.  Stuff in your brain has a pretty huge effect on the rest of you.  Which makes sense, of course.  It’s just weird that you can totally psych yourself out, or imagine an illness and have the symptoms of it even though you don’t actually have it… Just by imagining it. Of course, this isn’t really like that, it’s more like.. Perhaps love sickness?  I dunno what that’s generally characterized as.  But my heart’s taking a beating (haha yeah, i said it)

  I had to wear this uh.. Heart monitor thingy for 24 hours that recorded my heart rate and stuff.  I haven’t heard anything from the hospital yet (yeah, that night i actually ended up going to the hospital) so I guess no news is good news.  ;p  Not that I feel much better.  I’m a bit concerned with the constant high rate and force that my heart’s been working at.  It makes me feel kinda sick, sleepy, anxious, and like I wanna cry all at the same time.  Here’s hoping it gets better soon!  Without the assistance of drugs, that is.. Cuz I’d rather not get stuck on beta blockers or something.  D:

  • 12:59 am
  • 3 Comments